Patience, Persistence, and How They Are Pains in the Ass

By nature, I am not a patient person. By far I long for the instant gratification that my generation has come to expect out of the world (or so experts say). I get excited about something and burn out quickly. I start things and leave them unfinished all the time. I can't keep up a stable routine or work ethic to save my life. I'm left wondering if this is a phase leftover from high school or an innate flaw in my personality.

I'm a firm believer that attitude is everything, so to overcome these tics, I've done my best to shift my outlook of the world. I rejoiced with every rejection letter I got from agents and publishers alike because it taught me patience and I was getting myself out there. Though a time finally came along where that kid inside me decided to tantrum and break down that hardy attitude for a few minutes.

Those few minutes were not fun, to say the least.

In the wake of this episode, I pondered the whys and ways I could fix it. Then it hit me why I was pursuing such early publishing of my MS so aggressively, why I locked myself in my room for a good sob to my best friend, and why my writing wasn't going anywhere lately.

Fear.

I found out I had a lot of that fear lately. I let it consume my attitude by making me feel like I had to compensate for my disappointment. I allowed that emotion to escalate and mix up my priorities something awful. It finally burst out and punched me in the face. I have to say, I'm glad it did because I've been living in it too long.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, from agents, writers and the whole shebang. The one bit of advice on all of them (and even on a comment on my last post, which I appreciated), was to write, write, write. My focus has shifted so much that I haven't been allowing myself to write. I haven't been allowing the gift God has given me to work when He knows very well I'm not ready for publishing yet.

So, my conclusion out of all this was pretty straight forward for once. I'm going to stop obsessing over 'making my own success' and let the Almighty guide my fingers in doing what I was meant to do: write.

Writing Woes

Doesn't every wannabe/newbie/existing author have these? This morning before I head off to work at the place of inspiration for one of my favorite characters, I did one of my impulsive research sessions where I wander the internet looking for potential publishers. Google is my personal favorite search engine, but in all these sessions I always learn new tidbits about the publishing industry itself, how to better my writing, etc. This particular one spawned one rather ominous conclusion...

I am a little fish and it is the big fish. The big fish wants to eat me and I have to swim my little tail off so it doesn't accomplish that goal.

That's probably exaggerating a tad, but that is supposed to be my job, right? Selling exaggerated lies that hide truth? Using this particular analogy is fitting though, because the little fish in this scenario is getting ready to leave the shelter of mommy fish. Mommy fish is big enough, but to come from that to the publishing fish? A big dream with staggering odds.

I admit, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm gradually learning bit by bit. The only conclusion I'm coming to in all this is to keep swimming against the giant publishing fish and have the patience to know it will eventually pay off when I'm a bigger fish that can hold my own.

Ironic part of all this is I really don't like fish...