Thursday, August 5, 2010

Patience, Persistence, and How They Are Pains in the Ass

By nature, I am not a patient person. By far I long for the instant gratification that my generation has come to expect out of the world (or so experts say). I get excited about something and burn out quickly. I start things and leave them unfinished all the time. I can't keep up a stable routine or work ethic to save my life. I'm left wondering if this is a phase leftover from high school or an innate flaw in my personality.

I'm a firm believer that attitude is everything, so to overcome these tics, I've done my best to shift my outlook of the world. I rejoiced with every rejection letter I got from agents and publishers alike because it taught me patience and I was getting myself out there. Though a time finally came along where that kid inside me decided to tantrum and break down that hardy attitude for a few minutes.

Those few minutes were not fun, to say the least.

In the wake of this episode, I pondered the whys and ways I could fix it. Then it hit me why I was pursuing such early publishing of my MS so aggressively, why I locked myself in my room for a good sob to my best friend, and why my writing wasn't going anywhere lately.


I found out I had a lot of that fear lately. I let it consume my attitude by making me feel like I had to compensate for my disappointment. I allowed that emotion to escalate and mix up my priorities something awful. It finally burst out and punched me in the face. I have to say, I'm glad it did because I've been living in it too long.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, from agents, writers and the whole shebang. The one bit of advice on all of them (and even on a comment on my last post, which I appreciated), was to write, write, write. My focus has shifted so much that I haven't been allowing myself to write. I haven't been allowing the gift God has given me to work when He knows very well I'm not ready for publishing yet.

So, my conclusion out of all this was pretty straight forward for once. I'm going to stop obsessing over 'making my own success' and let the Almighty guide my fingers in doing what I was meant to do: write.